Posted on Sunday, February 22, 2009 - 1:23 am:

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Traditionally, Q's first question (the only one Q may ask that does not allow for a Yes or No answer) is always the same: "Is it animal, vegetable or mineral?" Indeed, in certain parts of the world this game is known as "Animal, Vegetable, Mineral."

The two important points above are that

* all legitimate targets will fall into one of these three categories or a combination thereof, and
* A must choose a legitimate target.

One kind of illegitimate target is an object whose very existence is in question, such as Martians or the Loch Ness monster, because A will be forced to answer Q's yes-or-no questions based on mere belief rather than factual knowledge that can certainly be shared. Another example of an illegitimate target is something that has no literal or even literary corporeal existence such as patriotism or haste or the number 6.

It's sometimes difficult for A to decide whether to respond with "animal," "vegetable," or "mineral," so here are some examples and other thoughts that might provide help to both A and Q.

To begin with, anything that's never been alive is mineral, and everything else must therefore be either animal or vegetable.

Let me interrupt to go ahead and get this right. Taxonomists classify life on Earth into five kingdoms, two of which are Animalia (animal) and Plantae (vegetable). The other three are Monera (e.g., bacteria), Protista (e.g., protozoans) and Fungi (e.g., yeasts). Only once in all my experience has an A chosen a target that fell into one of those last three kingda (Hi, KJ). So, if your target is those nasty-tasting mushrooms you got back in college and a Q starts by asking, "So, what is it? Animal, vegetable or mineral?" you should respond with "I can't answer," because mushrooms are none of the above. It is then up to the Qs to follow up. In any case, all such organisms are, of course, legitimate targets.

Here are three examples:

* If you've chosen as your target the clock inside London's Big Ben, you should answer, "Mineral," because the clock parts are made of steel and brass and copper and so on, which are minerals.
* If you've chosen as your target the wool sweater you're wearing, you should say, "Animal," because it's made of wool, which comes from sheep, which am animals.
* And if you've chosen the T-shirt that your date is wearing, you should say, "Vegetable," because it's made of cotton, which is a plant.

TARGETS MADE OF PLASTIC. Targets made of plastic (floppy disks and trash bags) and other such petroleum-based products (nylon and gasoline) are impossible to classify as animal or vegetable because it is still uncertain in the scientific community whether petroleum comes from dead animals or dead plants (although the most recent evidence I know of, circa 2008, suggests it's both). Therefore, by arbitrary convention, if your target is made from petroleum products you should say, "Vegetable," and as long as Q is aware of this convention, it is then his responsibility to think of asking, "Is it made of plastic?" or some such question. For that matter, even if Q doesn't know this convention, it's still up to him to pursue the "plastic" question.

TARGETS MADE OF MORE THAN ONE SUBSTANCE. Often A will choose a target that's made of, say, both vegetable and mineral -- for example, a pencil, which is made of wood and an eraser and paint (vegetables) as well as graphite and a metal ferrule (minerals). In this case, A might say "Vegetable" because a pencil is more vegetable than mineral, although if he said, "I can't answer" that would be OK too. As another example, if A's target is a floppy disk, then he should probably say "Vegetable," (plastic) despite the fact that a minuscule but fundamental portion of the total mass of the target is actually iron oxide (rust), a mineral.

In any case, A may declare only one of the three possible substances, so no matter what A declares it's up to Q, if he wants to, to determine more precisely what substance A's target is made of.

For the novice who didn't read all the paragraphs above, it's important to understand that when A says, say, "Vegetable," that doesn't necessarily mean that the target is a vegetable such as a carrot. Similarly, the answer "Animal" doesn't necessarily mean that the target is an animal such as a platypus. And, of course, the answer "Mineral" doesn't necessarily mean that the target is a lump of iron. The question "Animal, vegetable or mineral?," as seasoned 20 Questions players know, asks about the primary substance of which the target is made, and every legitimate target, i.e., every possible object or substance in the universe, will be made entirely of animal, vegetable or mineral or any of the four combinations thereof.

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Posted on Wednesday, February 25, 2009 - 3:30 pm:

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Scrund - (noun) A [ludicrous] misconception that remains undetected and uncorrected for a long period of time because the subject never arose.

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