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Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2228
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 11:44 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Some time ago, I was beaten (lightly) for saying the right thing. This hurt me a lot, but also helped me lot. Since that time, I never received that punishment

What has happened?

I = yours truly
Doriana (Doriana)
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Username: Doriana

Post Number: 2975
Registered: 12-2010
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 12:14 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

"beaten" as in physically hit? with a hand? with an object?

Relevant who beat you? H/A/M? F? one person? more than one? a friend of yours? acquaintance? family member? co-worker? boss? stranger?

Were other people present?

Did saying the right thing offend someone? the person that beat you? Were you supposed not to say it?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2231
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 12:44 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

"beaten" as in physically hit? Yes with a hand? Yes with an object? No

Relevant who beat you? Yes H/A/M? F? H/A/F one person? Yes more than one? a friend of yours? acquaintance? family member? This one co-worker? boss? stranger?

Were other people present? No, as I recall

Did saying the right thing offend someone? the person that beat you? She said that that was the case Were you supposed not to say it? I didn't know it at the moment
Doriana (Doriana)
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Username: Doriana

Post Number: 2977
Registered: 12-2010
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 12:48 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Is she your mother? aunt? sister? wife? one of your wife's relatives? niece? cousin? (you don't have a daughter, do you?)

Was the thing you said an answer to a question? A question? A remark?

Did it imply something about her that she thought was wrong? (e.g. that she is fat... *women* )
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2232
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 1:54 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Is she your mother? aunt? sister? wife? one of your wife's relatives? niece? cousin? (you don't have a daughter, do you? No, I don't) No to all

Was the thing you said an answer to a question? This one A question? A remark?

Did it imply something about her that she thought was wrong? Yesish (e.g. that she is fat... *women* But not this kind of things )
Doriana (Doriana)
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Post Number: 2980
Registered: 12-2010
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 1:59 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hmm... what other female family members are there... Grandmother? Great-aunt?
Is she from your generation? one generation older? two generations older? one generation younger?

Was the question related to you? to her? to the circumstances (e.g. "What's the time?")? did she ask you to do something?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2234
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 2:07 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hmm... what other female family members are there... Grandmother? This one Great-aunt?
Is she from your generation? one generation older? two generations older? one generation younger?

Was the question related to you? Yope to Yesish to her? No to the circumstances (e.g. "What's the time?")? did she ask you to do something? No. Yope as to the circumstances, but not in the way you suggested. Explore

As a HINT: Think simpler. I have a complicated mind anyway : - )
Balin (Balin)
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Username: Balin

Post Number: 17973
Registered: 4-2010
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 2:28 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was she the one who asked the question?
Was anyone else present at the time?
Was the question related to a person other than you?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2235
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 2:31 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was she the one who asked the question? No
Was anyone else present at the time? At the time of asking the question, yes. At the time of the "beating", no
Was the question related to a person other than you? To both of us - me and another person
Shez (Shez)
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Username: Shez

Post Number: 3586
Registered: 2-2011
Posted on Thursday, December 06, 2012 - 4:14 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

did you ask the question? did it embarass her?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2237
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Friday, December 07, 2012 - 8:25 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

did you ask the question? did it embarass her? No, I provided an answer that embarassed her
Redwine (Redwine)
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Username: Redwine

Post Number: 1661
Registered: 1-2011
Posted on Friday, December 07, 2012 - 11:14 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did someone ask you why you did something?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2240
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Friday, December 07, 2012 - 11:22 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did someone ask you why you did something? No
Deholmes (Deholmes)
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Username: Deholmes

Post Number: 8
Registered: 11-2012
Posted on Friday, December 07, 2012 - 5:53 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did you announce a situation in her life such as pregnancy?
Sundowner (Sundowner)
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Username: Sundowner

Post Number: 1193
Registered: 6-2003
Posted on Friday, December 07, 2012 - 8:38 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was the person who asked the question a relative of you? brother? sister? fiancee? wife? male? female?
Was the question related to you and the person who asked the question?
Was the question asked to you? to your grandmother? to someone else? to no-one specifically?
Was it a rhetorical question?
Were other people (besides you, your grandmother and the person who asked the question) present when the question was asked? when you answered?
Did you "say the right thing" as in telling the truth? giving an answer that was appropriate to the situation? using appropriate words?
Would there have been another answer that was less embarassing but equally true?
Was your answer embarassing also to other people?
Did you want to embarass your grandmother?
Would it have been less embarassing if you had not answered at all?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2242
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Saturday, December 08, 2012 - 8:49 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did you announce a situation in her life such as pregnancy? No, OTWT


Was the person who asked the question a relative of you? brother? sister? fiancee? wife? male? female? No, a perfect stranger, but probably known by my grandmother
Was the question related to you and the person who asked the question? No, good q!
Was the question asked to you? to your grandmother? to someone else? to no-one specifically? It was asked to me
Was it a rhetorical question? No
Were other people (besides you, your grandmother and the person who asked the question) present when the question was asked? when you answered?
Yes to both
Did you "say the right thing" as in telling the truth? This one, yes giving an answer that was appropriate to the situation? It seems not, although, after many years, I would do the same using appropriate words? Yes

Would there have been another answer that was less embarassing but equally true? No
Was your answer embarassing also to other people? No
Did you want to embarass your grandmother? Not at all
Would it have been less embarassing if you had not answered at all? I had no option for not responding. But probably, if I did not respond, it would have been even worse.
Shez (Shez)
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Username: Shez

Post Number: 3589
Registered: 2-2011
Posted on Saturday, December 08, 2012 - 11:49 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

were you asked the question by some sort of official? a policeman?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2244
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Saturday, December 08, 2012 - 2:23 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

were you asked the question by some sort of official? a policeman? No. I was asked by a neighbour of my grandmother - I don't recall if he was a "he" or a "she", but irrelevant anyway
Vene (Vene)
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Username: Vene

Post Number: 100
Registered: 9-2008
Posted on Saturday, December 08, 2012 - 8:07 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Is religion/faith involved? Culture-specific things? Does your age at the time matter?
Shez (Shez)
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Username: Shez

Post Number: 3591
Registered: 2-2011
Posted on Sunday, December 09, 2012 - 11:24 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

did you give away some family secret? or just give too much information?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2245
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Sunday, December 09, 2012 - 2:59 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Is religion/faith involved? Culture-specific things? Does your age at the time matter? Only in the sense that I was...umm . naive, let'say. The others are a no

did you give away some family secret? Yesishor just give too much information? Yesish to this, also
Balin (Balin)
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Username: Balin

Post Number: 17977
Registered: 4-2010
Posted on Sunday, December 09, 2012 - 3:31 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hmm... was the family trying to be discreet about something? A pregnancy? Illness? And your na´ve self blurted it out?
Vene (Vene)
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Username: Vene

Post Number: 103
Registered: 9-2008
Posted on Sunday, December 09, 2012 - 6:29 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

You point out that you never received the punishment again. By this you mean you never said such hurtful truths? Implying you were put in similar situations?

So the question did not regard you or your grandmother, but the answer (indirectly?) revealed something about: her? you? another member of your family? someone else?

Was it embarrassing because the person asking the question learned the 'secret', or because some/all of the other people present learned it?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2246
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Monday, December 10, 2012 - 8:43 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

You point out that you never received the punishment again. By this you mean you never said such hurtful truths? Yope Implying you were put in similar situations? Yes -- not identical, however

So the question did not regard you It was about a situation of which I was a part or your grandmother No, but the answer (indirectly? Yes) revealed something about: her? Yesish, or at least she thought so you? No another member of your family? Yes! someone else? No

Was it embarrassing because the person asking the question learned the 'secret', or because some/all of the other people present learned it? I think all (or most of) the people knew or suspected the 'secret', I was just providing a public confirmation, to my grandmother's embarassment
Vene (Vene)
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Username: Vene

Post Number: 112
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Posted on Monday, December 10, 2012 - 10:18 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I think you missed Balin's questions above.

The other member: Your grandfather? Your mum? Your dad?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2247
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Monday, December 10, 2012 - 10:33 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I think you missed Balin's questions above. I did, thank you and I apologize

Hmm... was the family trying to be discreet about something? Yes A pregnancy? Illness? None of these And your na´ve self blurted it out? Yep

The other member: Your grandfather? Your mum? Your dad? This one

Coming to a solve now...
Balin (Balin)
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Username: Balin

Post Number: 17987
Registered: 4-2010
Posted on Monday, December 10, 2012 - 2:45 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

HIs age? Job situation?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2248
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Tuesday, December 11, 2012 - 8:38 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

HIs age? Job situation? No to both
Deholmes (Deholmes)
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Username: Deholmes

Post Number: 42
Registered: 11-2012
Posted on Tuesday, December 11, 2012 - 10:53 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was it a wedding?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2254
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Wednesday, December 12, 2012 - 8:09 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was it a wedding? No

HINT: The "family secret" involved only me and my father.
Enjay (Enjay)
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Username: Enjay

Post Number: 1899
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Posted on Wednesday, December 12, 2012 - 11:08 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Are you and your father not related by blood?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Username: Rbruma

Post Number: 2255
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Thursday, December 13, 2012 - 7:27 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Are you and your father not related by blood? No, we are. The 'secret' is really a stupid thing - and it was not a secret for anybody, but it proved me how small communities work
Deholmes (Deholmes)
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Username: Deholmes

Post Number: 54
Registered: 11-2012
Posted on Thursday, December 13, 2012 - 9:15 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

In your home is it only you and your father?
other siblings, mother, gparents?
Deholmes (Deholmes)
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Username: Deholmes

Post Number: 55
Registered: 11-2012
Posted on Thursday, December 13, 2012 - 9:19 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was the beating light because your father saw humor in you blurting it out?
Deholmes (Deholmes)
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Post Number: 56
Registered: 11-2012
Posted on Thursday, December 13, 2012 - 9:19 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was the beating light because your father saw humor in you blurting it out?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2258
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Friday, December 14, 2012 - 8:17 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

In your home is it only you and your father? No there were others -- irrel who they were
other siblings, mother, gparents?

Was the beating light because your father saw humor in you blurting it out? No, I don't think my father even knows about the incident - it was a very small one, happened more than 25 years ago (probably many of those present are dead now), but it was of interest to me, for a particular reason
Vene (Vene)
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Posted on Monday, December 24, 2012 - 3:13 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Does it involve social status? Wealth? School?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2268
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Posted on Saturday, December 29, 2012 - 9:35 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Does it involve social status? Yope to Yessish Wealth? School? No to the rest
Noel (Noel)
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Posted on Wednesday, January 02, 2013 - 2:40 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was your father a politician/elected official? Did he hold a prominent position in society? If no to the previous two questions, did he/your grandmother wish it to appear that he held a prominent position?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2273
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 9:23 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was your father a politician/elected official? No Did he hold a prominent position in society? No If no to the previous two questions, did he No /your grandmother wish it to appear that he held a prominent position? Noish, but OTRT. The 'position' was more related to me
Redwine (Redwine)
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Post Number: 1668
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 9:42 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was the question something like questions commonly asked to children, like about future job?
Did the neighbour asked directly about you and your father?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2276
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 9:58 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Was the question something like questions commonly asked to children, like about future job? No
Did the neighbour asked directly about you and your father? YES!
Redwine (Redwine)
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Username: Redwine

Post Number: 1671
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 10:06 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did the neighbour ask directly about the secret?
Did the neighbour ask about your feelings towards your father? About your resemblance to your father?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2279
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 10:18 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did the neighbour ask directly about the secret? {Yope to Yessish}
Did the neighbour ask about your feelings towards your father? No, or at least not directly About your resemblance to your father?No

I think we are close enough on this track here, he asked me if my father visits me often.

The only remaining thing is to establish what did I answer and why the subsequent 'beating' -- related to my answer -- hurt me a lot for the moment, but also helped me a lot in the long run
Redwine (Redwine)
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Username: Redwine

Post Number: 1677
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 10:34 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did your answer admit that your father didn't live with you in the same house? Is the problem in the fact that the question implied that the didn't live with you in the same house?
Was your answer along the lines of "everyday" or "twice a week" (simply telling the frequency) or rather "as often as..." (referring to other events in your life)?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 11:41 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did your answer admit that your father didn't live with you in the same house? Is the problem in the fact that the question implied that the didn't live with you in the same house? No, that was no secret, my parents were divorced

Was your answer along the lines of "everyday" or "twice a week" (simply telling the frequency) This one or rather "as often as..." (referring to other events in your life)? So, no
Noel (Noel)
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 3:05 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Do we need to figure out the frequency? If so, daily? weekly? monthly? a few times a year? yearly? never?
Solo1 (Solo1)
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Post Number: 404
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Posted on Thursday, January 03, 2013 - 5:12 pm:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Did your answer imply something about your mother? Something not too nice?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2286
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Posted on Friday, January 04, 2013 - 9:36 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Do we need to figure out the frequency? No If so, daily? weekly? monthly? a few times a year? But this was the answer - and it was correct - HINTyearly? never?

Did your answer imply something about your mother? Something not too nice? Not this kind of thing.

We are almost there.
Redwine (Redwine)
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Posted on Friday, January 04, 2013 - 9:42 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

If you had answered with any other frequency (if it was correct), would it still have provoked similar reaction of your grandma?
Did your grandma expect you to lie about the frequency? to use another words?
Did you tell anything more than simply indicate frequency?
Rbruma (Rbruma)
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Post Number: 2288
Registered: 9-2009
Posted on Friday, January 04, 2013 - 11:33 am:   Edit PostDelete PostView Post/Check IPPrint Post   Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

If you had answered with any other frequency (if it was correct), would it still have provoked similar reaction of your grandma?
Did your grandma expect you to lie about the frequency? BINGO!to use another words?
Did you tell anything more than simply indicate frequency?


******* SPOILER *******

This happened a long time ago -- what I know for sure is that it took place before 1986.

My parents were divorced, I was living with my mother, and my father visited me for a few hours once or twice a year, which didn't bothered me at all. This way of doing things never changed to the present day, given the fact that we saw each other twice in the last 26 years.

However, in that small, tight community that my grandmother was living in, this thing was considered a shame, something that my grandmother wasn't willing to accept. So after the gathering was over, I was taken home and slapped on the face for the fact that I answered truthfully. The comment was "That should teach you a lesson in the future not to tell the truth in such situations!"

That comment changed completely my system of social values, since up to that time everyone had been telling me that I should always tell the truth.

Sure enough, I learned my lesson, and have never been punished again for telling the truth : - ) Whenever I feel an urge to tell the truth, that palm received ~30 years ago reminds me of the consequences.

Thanks to all who participated and especially to Redwine for the final solve

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